your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
