its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
