I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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