Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
