wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
