DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
