I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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