I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
