I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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