Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
