can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
