3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
