i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
