Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
