That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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