I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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