I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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