Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
