My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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