I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We left the knife in your bed.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
