I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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