Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
