Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
