Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
