Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
