There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
