you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
