Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
