If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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