I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
