Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
