If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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