i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
