remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
