glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
