See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
