Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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