He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
