Where is the hickey?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
