like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
