My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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