He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
