I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
