I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
