I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
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