i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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