im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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