i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
