my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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