walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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