he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
