I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
