omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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