I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
