It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
